It’s okay for men to not want kids, but women are “broken” or will “change their mind” if they say the same.
To learn more about the unequal distribution of housework and other tasks and what can be done to change it, Bored Panda reached out to relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, who gave us some insights on what can be done to share the load. In short, he explained that communication, respect for each other’s choices, and mutual support are key to a healthy relationship. Especially during these difficult times.
“Both a man and a woman should always show gratitude towards each other and from that, you will both feel happier about being loving towards each other because you know the other person appreciates what you are doing,” relationship expert Dan highlighted that thanking someone for taking the initiative with chores, instead of berating them for usually ‘not doing enough,’ yields far better results.
For Dan, it’s important not just what we say in relationships, but how we say it.
Men get pockets big enough to hold all their stuff while women get fake pockets that are sewn shut, or a micro pocket that can’t fit anything.
Pedophile teachers, when it’s a man, you tend to see “Male teacher raped student”, and when they’re women it’s normally “Female teacher had sex with student”, I despise the downplaying of it when the teacher is a woman, and seeing comments like “that kid should be lucky, his teacher is hot” disgusts me.
Daughters are raised and taught to clean and cook while sons get cleaned up after. My mother got upset with me when I suggested my younger brother learn to take out the trash or do a single chore. When I was his age, I was cooking and cleaning and helping take care of him while getting good grades in school and doing extracurriculars.
Relationship expert Dan gave an example where he heard from a man who was cleaning up the bathroom and found his wife complaining about how he was doing things. This led to an argument and the couple didn’t speak for a couple of days.
“He was very upset that she didn’t appreciate his proactive approach to helping out. All of that stress could have been avoided if she walked in and said something like, ‘Oh, thanks, honey. You’re cleaning the bathroom. That’s one less thing for me to do. Thank you.’ Then, if she wanted him to clean the bathroom the way she normally does it, she could ask, ‘Do you want to know how I get those stains out?’ or, ‘Do you want me to tell you some of the ways I do it that makes it easier?’ and if he then said yes, she could tell him,” Bacon gave some practical examples of effective communication.
“If he said no and ended up causing damage to the bathroom for example (unlikely, of course) or not cleaning it properly, she could then talk to him about it and ask why he thought it turned out that way, after all the good effort he put in. He could then realize his mistake, feel supported by her and decide that he probably should have asked her how to do it first, or continued cleaning until he got it done right.”
According to Dan, by choosing not to attack our partners verbally for their ‘mistakes,’ we avoid making them go on the defensive. This reduces stress, helps maintain the relationship, and, in very practical terms, helps deal with the double standard of how housework is distributed.
“They remain in love. They feel supported, appreciated, respected and there is no need for an angry, resentful war to break out over little mistakes or errors. Of course, approaching conversations like that also applies to a man talking to his girlfriend or wife who is doing something around the house,” the expert pointed out that it goes both ways.
“For example, if his wife is doing more than normal around the house, a man should be supportive of her, appreciative and respectful, rather than just expecting that she should do it because she’s a woman. No one has to do anything in a relationship. It’s always a choice. This is why you should always come from a place of love and support, rather than in an angry, attacking way where you essentially become enemies who are trying to beat each other in a pointless, ‘I’m a better person than you’ war.”
While there are plenty of double standards out there, at least we’re better equipped to deal with one of them—sharing housework and other tasks during the pandemic through small changes in how we communicate and show gratitude.
Abusive behavior is funny when coming from a woman. I pointed out to my husband that in movies and TV shows, women get upset by a man’s actions and slap him and no one bats an eye. Showing a woman hitting a man normalizes this cruelty and it needs to stop.
Those romantic comedies with the cliché beautiful and smart woman married to the dumbest guy who is lucky to have her. Swap the roles and see people flip out.
I was at the park working out a few years ago and on a bench was a couple arguing. The girl proceeds to slap the crap out of her boyfriend. She then goes for another, but the dude blocked her and held her wrist. The girl then burst into tears and questions why he hurt her like that.
To myself I was thinking, wait you can hit him but when he defends himself its wrong?
I’m a straight male. I went to a gay bar with some gay women and their straight married women friends. One of the straight women was being basically sexually harrassed by another gay woman there, to the point of being chased around the table, all the while saying she was married to a guy and she wanted nothing to do with it. The whole bar was laughing. If I did that to a woman in a regular bar, I’d get my ass kicked, thrown out, or arrested.
Clothes from the women’s section fall apart after six months.
Meanwhile I have a 15-year-old shirt from the men’s section that I still wear.
Women rarely get complimented for the things men get complimented for: assertiveness, accomplishments, or basically any intentional act. While men rarely get complimented for the things that women get complimented for: their appearance or personality characteristics that make others feel good.
As a man, I could go to the doctor and get a vasectomy tomorrow if I wanted to. A woman has to have like two or three kids and be married for most doctors to even consider performing a tubal ligation.
Men or boys who are sexually abused by women are told to feel lucky. People will joke, ‘Where was that teacher when I was in school?’ and disregard that being a male victim is a big deal. But sexual abuse messes with you no matter your gender, and being a male survivor is also hard.
Single father’s taking their kids to the park and watching them play while they get stares from every other parent or ppl passing by.
I’m a young guy. One of my female coworkers slapped my ass about a month ago. I didn’t say anything because I really didn’t care too much, but if the roles were reversed I’d be out of here faster than I could say sexual harassment.
Body shaming men. Make fun of a woman’s boob size and people are aghast. Make fun of someone’s d**k size and that’s hilarious. Slag on a woman’s weight and that’s a no-no, but ‘I only date six feet and taller’ is acceptable. They are things a person really can’t do much about, and both being socially linked to equate manliness.
I’m an 18-24 year old guy, and I work with kids.
It’s disgusting the amount of protocols and procedures there are to keep me from being alone with kids, but there are almost NONE for the female staff I work with.
Women are ‘supposed’ to clean the inside of the house while men do yard work. One day, my husband’s friend called him while we were cleaning the house. His friend said, ‘Uh oh. In trouble with the wifey?’ No! He just lives here, too.
I work in a woman dominated field (library) and a good portion of my coworkers are self-proclaimed feminists. They constantly complain about “The Patriarchy” while being hateful, sexist group of humans towards the men in the building.
Society has been making money off of women’s bodies/sexuality forever and no one cares.
A woman makes money off her own body/sexuality and it’s suddenly a problem.
Overweight male actors always get cast opposite gorgeous actresses as their love interests and nobody bats an eye. Overweight actresses are rarely allowed to be lead love interests in the first place, and when they are, they’re more likely to be paired with less conventionally attractive men.
Dads are “superhuman” when they take care of baby, cook/clean/etc, or just parent in general. But women are “doing what comes naturally” when we work a full time job while pregnant, go back to work weeks after major trauma, are expected to breastfeed AND work, keep the house, raise good kids, and are somehow bad moms if we complain and feel overwhelmed.
Women who either have sex, love sex, or have a great deal of it when they are single are considered loose. Meanwhile, if a guy has a lot of sex, then he’s just being a guy.
Women are expected to be parents, and men are not. So when a man parents his child, he’s basically emasculated for being a decent human being.
A woman can be just as creepy, perverse, and uncomfortable as a man. But they’ll never be taken accountable for it.
When my husband does his own laundry, people are confused and ask why. Why should I need to do a grown man’s laundry when we both work full-time? Yet, my husband has never been asked about not doing my laundry.
Female domestic violence victims get lots of support, while male victims get laughed at.
I cisgender girl can go get a boob job with no issues. But a transgender girl such as myself needs a referral from a psychiatrist to make sure “we don’t regret it”
Single mothers are seen as a red flag and are blamed for choosing a deadbeat as their child’s father. But single fathers are considered a great catch and are praised for ‘stepping up.
When a girl is into more traditionally manly stuff nobody bats an eye, but when a guy is into traditionally feminine stuff people give him funny looks and question his sexuality
Women get so much sh*t for being “too choosy” with men and “not giving them a chance” and in general get called uppity, picky snobs because they won’t go out with certain guys.
But when those same women are victims of date rape/violence/murder, they get blamed and people say that they should have been more careful
When men come out and accuse priests or other old men who abused them they aren’t interrogated as to why they didn’t say it sooner. With the ‘Me Too’ movement backlash, we see that women are dismissed and not believed when they talk about their abuse years later.
When a guy gets with a bunch of chicks, he’s a “stud”. When a girl gets with a bunch of guys, she’s a “sl*t”.
If you are a woman and can’t do house chores, you are useless and don’t fit the idea of a woman, if you are a man that can do house chores then you are gay, this isn’t a manly job…
Nobody defines a womans sexuality from whether she’s wearing pants or a dress. But when a man wears a dress everybody wants to make assumptions.
If men play video games, it’s normal and expected. If men like sports, it’s normal and expected. If men enjoy something like skateboarding, it’s normal and expected.
But if a woman does any of those things, she’s only doing it to impress men and couldn’t possibly actually like them herself.
I’m a trans guy, and people listen to me as male way more than they did as female
When a woman is direct to employees at work she is a b***h. When a man is direct to his employees he’s a leader.
Dad works late, gunning for the big promotion: “What a great provider!”
Dad leaves early to pick up sick kids from daycare: “What a great dad! So wholesome.”
Mom stays late, guns for the big promotion: “How can she neglect her kids like that?”
Mom leaves early to pick up sick kids: “Figures, she was never really committed to the job.”
I can go out looking like a freshly awakened zombie & won’t get any complaints. Women are expected to dress & look like models, even if they’re buying produce at the grocery store.
Men can look like Bigfoot or a Star Wars Chewbacca and it’s okay. If a woman has a tiny bit of hair anywhere other than her head, people will get grossed out.
Woman showing her feelings/crying/getting mad: Healthy person expressing herself
Man showing half the feelings: immature manchild
Dating apps. As a dude I’m expected to send the first message, be unrealistically witty and funny to set myself apart from the hundred other guys currently messaging her, and have a total banger of a profile to have even the slightest chance of getting a match. Meanwhile ladies leave their bios completely empty and expect having the perfect man to be handed to them on a silver platter, no messaging first or nothing.
Women are constantly told about the dangers of sex, ridiculed for wanting or having it, and dealing with how difficult it is to get birth control. Meanwhile, men are told nothing about how to be safe and make their partner comfortable, but are given a pat on the back and are showered with condoms.
Even if I, the father, am listed as the primary contact on every single contact form for my kids, the school will still call my wife first. Even after being the only parent the teachers and school have ever seen during drop-offs and pickups, the school still insists on waiting to talk to my wife to ‘discuss something about your child,’ even though I’m right there.
Some girls think “omg can you be my gay best friend” while actively avoiding lesbians as hard as they can and some guys think “lesbian p*rn is so hot” while hating gay men
Dress codes that only apply to men. I have gone to many restaurants or clubs where men have to wear long trousers, a collared shirt, and sometimes a jacket and tie. Women would wear short dresses, hot pants, or sheer outfits. Someone please explain why these ‘codes’ only apply to men?
Men: I’m a 34in waist and size M shirt in EVERY. SINGLE. STORE.
Women: Sizes are called different things in each country, and the naming convention bears no relationship to the actual size (what is the 6 in size 6 supposed to signify?)
Expecting women to keep up a constant and rigorous beauty routine while men are doing very little to maintain their own attractiveness.
Could not fathom having to give up their family name at marriage, but pressures his wife to do it without a second thought.
As a teen, all my guy friends could stay out all night while I had to be home by 11.
When a boy loses his virginity, he’s a man; it’s a rite of passage. If a girl wants to lose her virginity she’ll be “broken” or not “pure.”
A man who is quiet is stoic. A woman who is quiet is passive/submissive.
If I dress a certain way to attract a guy, I’m a try-hard sl*t. If a guy dresses a certain way to attract a girl, he’s stylish and evolved.
Guys can hang out with whoever they want, though girls can’t hang out with just any guy ’cause apparently every guy wants to sleep with us.
Women are called girls even when they are adults yet men are not called boys when they are adults.
Men cannot experiment with the same gender without being considered gay. Meanwhile if girls do it they’re just having fun.
The body Positivity movement. Fat women are “strong, independent, beautiful” and fat men are just fat men. Either have both, or nothing.
When a girl is underweight/malnourished she gets praised for her figure. When a boy is underweight/malnourished he gets fed 2x more than everyone else in order to “get some meat on those bones”
The wage gap. A former employee decided to only hire men for office positions because they wouldn’t ever get pregnant or need maternity leave either!
Nobody looks twice at an overweight guy at the pool with no shirt on but if it were an overweight woman in a bikini everyone thinks its gross.
After a meal is done in many households, it is expected that the women need to get up and clean and put away the dishes, after the spent hours preparing the meal, while the men sit and drink.
That women can’t take care of themselves or in my family’s case even make some choices without a man.
If a man isn’t married by 30 it’s whatever, but if a woman isn’t married by 30 then there’s something wrong.
Mothers who work shouldn’t have had kids if they wanted someone else to raise their kids. Fathers who work are just working for their family’s future.
I hate how women can flaunt their curves and skin, but if a guy does it, he’s either vain or a pervert.
Making fun of a balding man is perfectly acceptable form of jest or rejection. Making fun of any physical deficiency or rejecting a woman based on looks is cruel and vilified.
When a dude walks around without a shirt that’s fine but if I wear a cute top where you can see my bra straps and the back of my bra that’s somehow inappropriate…
The draft. If you are male, it’s widely agreed and politically acceptable to force you to go fight and die for your country. People would be up in arms if women were forced to do this.
Meet a interesting woman, have a chat, wonder if she want’s to meet up again for a date, she feels the same, you look at each other expectantly, waiting…. waiting for the man to make the move.
Men who don’t smile: Thinking, serious, determined.
Women who don’t smile: B****y and uninteresting.
I’ve never heard of a man getting asked why they didn’t smile for something.
When women look after their kids it’s just parenting, but when men look after their kids it’s babysitting.
Why a man in a relationship can go out and drink with friends or go to the bar, but if the woman wants to do it then she MUST be cheating.
Women objectifying men. It’s so normalised in modern society.
Women being called sl*ts because they sleep with many guys, but guys are champs. Simply makes no sense to me.
No matter their skills, men are treated like they know more about any given subject, while women always have to prove their knowledge.
Straight girls can hold hands, lock fingers, cuddle, shower, and kiss each other. Two guys can’t even make eye contact without being gay-shamed.
A small girl being flirted with grown men is creepy and disgusting, but a small boy being flirted with grown women is ‘cute’
Genital mutilation. Done to men its ‘culture’ and done to women its a heinous crime.
When the husband works and the wife stays home with the children, the family is “productive” or “successful”, but when the wife works and the husband stays home with the kids, the husband is a dead weight and the wife is being overworked.
A grown woman with “daddy issues” is laughed at while the man who abandoned her as a young child and was a sh*tty role model has no consequences.
Women in business that are strict and tough are “crazy b****es” but men in business that are strict and tough are “strong leaders.”
When a less-than-perfect man only goes after perfect-super-model women, and then complains that women only care about looks and not personality when the man fails.
So many guys complain about paying for stuff, but if a woman is powerful and wealthy enough to take care of herself, she is often believed to be aggressive and pushy.
Girl likes you who you don’t like back? She’ll be clingy or desperate, or not up to your standards. You like a girl who doesn’t like you back? She friendzoned you. Girls just want d***s, not a nice guy like me.
Girls who play video games are either ugly or looking for attention, while guys who play video games are cool.
I never hear anything about forcing women to register for the draft like men.
Thing i hate is office attire, as a man im stuck wearing long pants, socks, shoes, long sleeve shirt with a collar, and a tie.
Women can get away with a sleeveless dress and open towed shoes then complain the office is too cold so its like 75* or more.
Men are expected to always be ambitious, work hard, make a career. If he’s not constantly climbing to the top he is a ‘loser’.
A woman can pick an easy job or choose to be a housewife and no one bats an eye.